Change

One morning I prayed.
I didn't know what I wanted.
I didn't even know where to start.
I just prayed.
Prayed and talked about what I didn't want,
And what scared me.

Slowly it came to me,
Through this conversation with my God.
The thing I was most afraid of,
Was what I wanted.
Something that had haunted me time and again.
Had been my tormentor.
Little did I know it would be the catalyst,
That started the rest of my life.

I prayed for change.
A change in myself,
And a change in what I wanted.

Strength,
Determination,
Beauty,
Compassion,
Love,
Caring,
Peace.

Some of these,
I already had.
Some needed changing.
Others I didn't have at all.
And so I prayed.

It is funny,
How God gives us what we want.
Even though the journey is not what we expect.

That summer,
For many of us,
Was just this side of Hell.
God was teaching me.
Teaching me that I was not with the right person.
This was not the person I prayed for.
She took me on a ride.
One that would leave marks,
But without hurt, there is no chance to heal.
And Learn.

And then with the subtleness,
That only God can have,
My prayers were answered.
He showed me who I needed.
And for once,
I had eyes to see.

Our path together began.

Little was I prepared
For what lay ahead.
So much learning,
So much growing,
So much love.

I stand in awe.

Marks were turned into lessons.
The veil was lifted.
Love took me by surprise.

The woman I prayed for,
Began to unlock,
Things in me I didn't know I had.
Aspects buried deep,
Never nurtured,
Until she came.

Strength,
Determination,
Beauty,
Compassion,
Love,
Caring,
Peace.

She taught me Strength
She taught me Determination.
She improved everything else.
Through her,
I found a Peace I never dreamed,
Could one day come to me.

Only through learning about myself,
Could I be the best person to her.

Only through learning from her,
Could I break away and find myself.
And be proud of who I had become.
Prayer,

Change,

Peace.

All that I am is yours, my love.
May you always be my inspiration.


Slainte,

Kevin

Grumble

So, I read a post on a blog. It pissed me off. I mean, like really pissed me off. I couldn't belive someone had formed an opinion of me based off of so little information. But that's free speech for you. I proceeded to write a lengthy blog post of my own taking this person apart. If any of you caught it, your lucky. It was up for a grand total of about 33 minutes. That was about the time I decided to take it down. No matter how mad I was, no matter how wrong he was, I couldn't have something linking me to what he was talking about. Not on my own blog. Even though he didn't mention my name. Is that vague enough?

But that isn't the point of this post. The point is how fraking hard it is to brush something like that off. Even when you know the person is operating with a fraction of the info, and is biased from the start. Why do I want to prove to this person and everyone else how wrong he was? Why should it matter? I know what I did and accomplished, and many others know as well. Why does a fraking one liner in a post set me off?

Breathe, Kevin.

Channel Stuart Smally,

Or at least Katee Sackhoff(Hee hee)

Then picture this limp dick skinjob fraker's head on a pike. And his liver, with fava beans and a nice chianti, perhaps.

Or breathe. And realize he doesn't matter, not even a little bit.

Slainte,

Kevin

Parenting 201, in pics and video

Greetings,

Here is a prime example of shit not to let your child do:


Don't let your child sit on the door to the stuffed full dishwasher......and play with the cheese grater. This look was a "is Daddy really going to let me play with this?" look.

Here we see one of the things he inherited from his Mommy.
I rarely if ever bruise. Even if I knock the frak out of myself. Today, Patrick barley wacked himself on the chair and raised this lovely line of a bruise. That he gets from Mommy.

For all those that do not have dogs, or dogs as active as ours here is a little taste my day today.





Well, that's all I can post right now. The child is calling. Take care.

Slainte,

Kevin

Another Obsession

Greetings,

For those that know me, I tend to get obsessed with certain TV series'. Usually those with strong, smart, and hot female leads. Alias, Dark Angel, Buffy, Alias. Did I mention Alias? The exception was Highlander, although Adrian Paul was yummy.

My newest obsession I blame on the people down the street. They let me borrow season one and the first half of season two. I have since ordered the second half of season two, although I did find it for $10 including shipping.

*As a side note, each one of the monkey frakers in marketing who thought it would be a good idea to split the season into two different sets for DVD should be taken out into the street and shot, or stranded on Caprica with nothing but a butter knife and some cheese wiz*

If the side note was not a big enough hint as to what the series is, and if you are not a big dork like me, it probably wasn't, here is another one.

I absolutly loved this show when I was a kid. Granted I was watching it on reruns given it came out when I was two.

Now I bet your asking who the strong, smart, hot female lead is. DUH!!!! Starbuck. Not only is she from my home town, but Starbuck was my favorite character from the original series. Except that was played by Dirk Benedict. Who, incidently, played my favorite character on the A Team.

So not I am stuck waiting for the mail delivery of the next part of season two. And, like the good marketers they are, episode 2.10 was a clifhanger. But I will let the nice neighbors down the street borrow it to contine their obession. Well that's all for now. More updates if I can get off my fraking lazy ass do them. Toodles.

Slainte,

Kevin

My Past and Present

I'm having trouble.

No, trouble isn't the right word. It doesn't quite encapsulate what is going on in my gray matter. Shit. Here goes.

I have always struggled with my self esteem. Not just the some days up and some days down. Everyone goes through that. This was, is, a constant battle with the second guessing monster. That tiny little fucker on your shoulder that makes you question everything you do. Causes you to sap your own confidence in yourself and your decision making. Taking little decisions, or choices and inflating them to epic proportions. Making little mistakes seem earth shattering.

I feel horrible about myself. Like I can't make any kind of decision by myself.

“I need to do this by myself.” I said.

On the other side of the phone in a plaintive and patronizing voice, “No, you don't have to do it by yourself.”

A small thing it was. But I needed to prove to myself that I could do it. I did, but that response has stayed with me for 13 years. I came out of it with a false idea of what an adult should be able to do. I berated myself for things I couldn't do on my own that I thought all adults were doing but me. I constantly second guessed my decisions.

Am I doing this the right way?

Am I hurting someone else's feelings?

Will everyone agree that I did the right thing?

And there it is. Will everyone agree that I did the right thing? The crux of the issue. Self esteem. What will other people think. Will I be able to please everyone? Will they agree? Self esteem.

I battle with this every time I deal with or encounter certain aspects of my life. I'm much better now, than I was.

Balance. That is what I seek. The balance between going over situations and decisions to learn from them, and still being confident that I made the right choice. And if I decide I didn't, to rectify it.

I know I am a good and kind and thoughtful person. I've worked hard to become that person. My next goal is to become as strong and confident as I want to be. Other people's opinions matter. They can help you grow. But I know myself the best.

Kindness

Strength

Confidence

Empathy

Humor

Love

These I wish for myself, and I have them. Now I work on improving them. Show others by my actions.

In Strength, Love and Gratitude,

Slainte,

Kevin

Sorry.

Greetings all,

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I wish I could say that life got in the way of posting, but that is not true. I simply forgot, and then put it off. Bad Blogger!!! No Biscuit!!!!

I will post more soon, but now I have to stop the child from eating Mommy's romance novels.

Slainte,

Kevin

Finally......

Greetings,

For those that haven't read my wife's blog, it had finally happened. I have a job! Yay!!!!!!!!!!! I will be starting as a barista at Starbucks in the beginning of March. I had a good interview with the store manager yesterday, and am going shopping for job cloths today. Yay!!!!!!!

In the meantime, you all should come to the opera. It is The Barber of Seville and is playing March 7th-9th at the Pantages in downtown Tacoma. You can buy tickets here.


Slainte,

Kevin